I am getting restless again. Discontent. Once again, I am tempted to just drop everything and just…leave.
This isn’t surprising to me, not anymore. I’ve long ago discovered that no matter how hard I dedicate and motivate myself in something, a large part of me will always get tired and yearn for change, for detachment. For example, my hello, halcyon days blog, my college education, my entire life. I want to erase everything and get a clean slate, drop out of school, escape, maybe live out as a hermit, throw away everything I’ve kept under my pillow, all those letters, all my books. I want to start anew.
Even as I am compelled to, I cannot. I am still tied to my past, for they are proof of me, of my strength and failures, and I am still someone who still has something left to prove. Perhaps there will come a time that, finally, I will truly let go of things.
(Before I do anything brash, I am going to take a break from here. I cannot skip school but I can have this small break. I find that being alone with my thoughts is cathartic in its own way.)